Let’s make one thing clear: there are numerous sources for envelope addressing etiquette out there, many of them with differing opinions on how to address whom for what situation—and not one of them, as far as I see it, is the end-all-be-all-absolute-definitive guide for any and every kind of invitation.
And I don’t find this to be a problem. In fact, this shows how nuanced etiquette is, and it highlights how issues of envelope etiquette aren’t addressed (no pun intended) with a one-size-fits-all solution.
The envelope etiquette people adopt for sending their invitations often relies on various factors. Here are just a few:
Cultural Differences
Etiquette for addressing guests can vary between cultures, so cultural context may dictate details such as the use of titles, the order in which guests are listed, the use of mother’s and father’s surnames, etc.
Tradition and Social Norms
Rules of traditional etiquette were established long ago, so they’re apt to be more formal than a lot of couples (and guests) find suitable or reasonable. For example, when addressing a married couple with the same last name on an invitation, many clients now forego the traditional format of “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith” (i.e., man’s first name only). I recall when a client told me, “I want to see my name on the envelope too.” My client was the mother of the bride, no less. The wedding was still a formal affair warranting use of titles, so the more contemporary “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith” was used.
That said, there are still plenty of weddings in which I receive guest lists using traditional formal addressing. Different strokes for different folks.
Varying Expert Opinions
Miss Manners, Emily Post, and [insert other etiquette authors here] all have their own interpretations of the rules. Some recommendations will vary; others may be the same or similar. I’m not advocating for any particular expert, but if you’re going to pick a lane, stay in that lane. No need to cause further confusion with inconsistency.
Whichever etiquette standards you choose to follow, you should choose with consideration for your guests. Despite any differences existing between etiquette sources, the purpose of their guidelines is the same—to ensure:
1) respect, so that your guests do not feel offended, and
2) clarity on expectations, so that guests know what to do (like whether they can bring a guest or their children, for example).
Made it this far and still unsure of what to do, and you’d like some guidance to get started? Ta-da…you can download my envelope etiquette guide below.
And don’t forget that first impressions begin with a beautifully addressed envelope! Elevate your correspondence with custom calligraphy—contact me to add a touch of elegance to your occasion.
